


A Halloween Vacation

by FleetSparrow



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Halloween, Idiots in Love, M/M, Seasonal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetSparrow/pseuds/FleetSparrow
Summary: Scarecrow and Riddler try to have a nice vacation down South.True geniuses should never work together.
Relationships: Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31
Collections: Shipoween 2020 - The Halloween Ship Exchange!





	A Halloween Vacation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [malachiical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/malachiical/gifts).



“You know, for one damn Halloween, I’d like to be out of Gotham,” Edward said, setting down Jonathan’s drink with a thud. “If it’s not the Sirens trying to rope me into some sort of mischief, it’s Joker taking over the city, or Calendar Man poisoning the water supply, or Batman waiting to see if I slip up, or some other stupid Halloween villain trying to murder me!”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

“Present company excepted, of course,” Edward said, settling back in his office chair. “You’re not stupid.”

“But I am a Halloween villain?”

“Well…” Edward gestured at Jonathan’s everything. “Yes.”

Jonathan hummed. “I suppose that’s fair.” He sipped his scotch. “What are you going to do about it?”

Edward shrugged, swirling the ice cubes in his glass. “Probably get stuck in some scheme or another. It’s what happens every year.”

“You have to want to change your circumstances for them to change,” Jonathan said. “Do you want to change them?”

Edward frowned. “Are you psychoanalyzing me?”

“Merely offering advice.”

“Of course I want to change them!” Edward took a long drink. “But where would I go? I’m not exactly swimming in cash right now.”

Jonathan was quiet for a moment, long enough to seem like he thought of it on the spot, and didn’t have this already prepared. “What about my family’s home in Georgia?”

Edward blinked. “I…didn’t realize you still had it.”

“No one else wants it.”

“It’s not still falling apart, is it?”

Jonathan stared over his glasses. “Do you want to escape Gotham or not?”

Edward considered this. “Alright.”

Jonathan finished his drink and stood, setting the glass down on Edward’s desk. “Just let me know how long you want to stay.” He leaned in and gave Edward a quick kiss, not closing his eyes as he did.

“You know it unnerves me when you do that,” Edward said.

“Of course.”

Edward gulped down the rest of his drink. “Whatever. I’ll be ready by Friday.”

* * *

Friday morning, they planned to drive straight through from Gotham to Georgia in Crane’s old converted hearse (which Edward internally called the Scarecrobile, something he’d never admit to Jonathan). The drive was…difficult to say the least.

First, Edward had to put up with Jonathan’s constant spooky organ music playing the _entire_ ride there. Then, when they switched drivers, Jonathan learned the hard way that Edward had never driven a stick before.

“Clutch, Edward,” Jonathan said, for the fifth time. “The clutch!”

“I’m using the clutch,” Edward snapped.

“You’re still in second. You have to shift and-- You’re back in first.”

“This isn’t a damn boat, why do I have to row down the street?”

“You’re not-- _Clutch,_ Edward!”

Edward jerked the car onto the shoulder and stopped. “Fine! You drive! I will just sit here and be quiet.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve done right so far,” Jonathan said, calmly.

“And I hate your organ music!” Edward shouted.

“Look, _you_ wanted to leave Gotham during _my_ holiday, the _least_ you can do is _learn! how! to drive! a stick!_ ”

An hour of silence later, their tantrums had worn off and they were back on the road, Jonathan doing the driving again.

* * *

It was a little after three in the morning when they finally reached Jonathan’s family home. In the light of the almost full moon, it looked absolutely terrifying.

“So, you really grew up here?” Edward said, getting out of the car. “That. Makes so much sense.”

“What was that?” Jonathan asked, half buried in the back of the car looking for their gear.

“I said it’s spooky.”

Jonathan straightened, his arms full of Edward’s things, and shot him a skeptical look. “It was home.” He loaded Edward down with his suitcases and went back for his own.

Jonathan opened the main door and let them in. The place was definitely eerie. Cobwebs were scattered and stretched across banisters and corners. Dust covered every surface in thick layers. But, aside from the general uncleanliness, the place was remarkably well cared for. The elements hadn’t eroded the place, and, except for the faded paint, the whole interior looked intact.

“Careful,” Jonathan said, as Edward started toward one of the rooms.

“Why?”

“I rigged everything to keep nosy kids out of here.” Jonathan went over to a small cabinet under the stairs and deactivated his traps. “You’d be gassed.”

“You could just lock up the place,” Edward said, looking at the door.

“No one locks their doors around here. It’d be too suspicious.”

“Right.” Edward set down his bags. “You know, your drawl’s come back since we got down here.”

Jonathan pursed his lips. “It’s a bad habit.”

“No,” Edward said, taking Jonathan’s hand. “I like it.” He kissed him, closing his eyes, even though he knew--he _knew_ \--that Jonathan was watching him.

“One day, you’ll kiss like a normal person,” Edward said, once they parted.

Jonathan smiled spookily, and Edward shook his head.

“All right. Where’s our room?”

* * *

“So, what are our plans for Halloween?” Edward asked at the breakfast table the next morning.

“Our plans?”

Edward looked up from his crossword. “Yes, _our_ plans.”

“Well, I was going to spend Halloween the way I do every year I’m down this way,” Jonathan said.

“How’s that?”

“Standing in a corn maze waiting for people to come near me so I can scare them.”

“That sounds,” Edward began, struggling for the right words. “Boring, actually.”

“To each his own.”

“You know, we could do anything down here, right?” Edward said. “There’s no Batman. We could hold up a bank, or go into town and rob a handful of stores, or…” He trailed off at Jonathan’s blank stare. “Or, terrorize a fraternity or something.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get involved in anything,” Jonathan said.

“I just wanted to be out of Gotham,” Edward said.

“I see.” Jonathan sipped his coffee. “I suppose you could come with me.”

“I mean, doesn’t it get old? Frightening kids?”

“It’s something to do.”

“Isn’t there anything else to do?”

Jonathan sighed. “There’s always a horror movie marathon down at the old drive-in.”

“That sounds fun,” Edward said. He hedged his enthusiasm. “I mean, they’d be easy targets to scare.”

“They usually are,” Jonathan said, coolly.

Edward sighed in frustration. “What do you want, then?”

“You’re the one who wanted to come down here in the first place,” Jonathan said, his drawl more pronounced than ever.

“No, _I_ said I wanted to leave Gotham. *You* suggested coming here.”

“So it’s _my_ fault?”

“I didn’t say that, I just meant--”

“I know what you meant.”

“Oh, that’s right, because _you’re_ the psychiatrist, _you_ know all about me,” Edward said, waving his hands. “You’re right. It _is_ your fault!”

“You often blame others for not meeting your exacting, ever-changing standards,” Jonathan said.

Edward stood, slamming his hands on the table. “And you know what? I hate your stupid Halloween villain thing!” He stormed out of the room without a second glance.

* * *

It was dark before they spoke to one another again.

“I hear there’s a full moon this Halloween,” Edward said, breaking the tense silence of dinner.

“Yes, it is.”

“Great night for scaring in a cornfield.”

“Corn maze.”

“That’s redundant.”

Jonathan looked over his glasses at him. “Amazing.”

Edward perked up. “Did you just make a pun?”

“Only following yours, darlin’.”

Edward’s stomach fluttered. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me this trip.”

“I have moments.”

They sat in silence for a minute before Edward spoke again:

“I’ve never scared anyone in a corn maze before.”

“It has its charms.”

“Nostalgic?”

“It can be.”

Edward nodded. “So, I thought, maybe--”

“Why don’t we go down to the drive-in,” Jonathan said. “We can park in the back and make out during the movies.”

Edward nearly choked on his drink. “What?”

“I said we can park in the back and make fun of the movies.”

Edward narrowed his eyes. “No you didn’t.”

“Just testing you.”

Edward reached out and took Jonathan’s hand. “I would absolutely love that.”

“I always get nostalgic down here,” Jonathan said, squeezing his hand. “It’s a bad habit.”

“Well, it’s only once a year.”

“In that case, I suppose I can give in.”

Edward picked up his plate and moved to sit beside Jonathan, kissing him, this time keeping his eyes open. Jonathan smiled and closed his eyes, wrapping a long arm around him to pull him in.

“See how unnerving it is?” Edward asked, once they parted.

“I found it quite pleasant.”

“You’re creepy.”

“Thank you.”

Edward shook his head, but smiled. Maybe this would be a good Halloween after all.


End file.
